Comedian Eddie Ifft: A Mixed Bag of Nuts

The only thing Eddie Ifft can seem to take seriously is comedy. Stand-up has magically redeemed his life. In the ten years he’s been in the profession, he’s exploited everything about his personality that’s previously caused him to a) get suspended or expelled from every school he attended, and b) fired from every job he had.

“People love train-wrecks,” Ifft says. “My whole life was a train-wreck, so why not exploit it?”

You may recognize Ifft from one of the higher-profile slices of entertainment in his portfolio. He’s been featured on Comedy Central’s Premium Blend. He was the host of Shark Week on the Discovery Channel. He’s performed along with Dave Chappelle, Chris Rock, Robin Williams and more. And you’ll be sure to see more of him soon, when his recently-filmed documentary America the Punch Line is released.

Ifft’s a classic Catholic-kid-gone-wrong; big heart, stellar values, excessive self-loathing, shadows of guilt, and finally, the essential razor-sharp tongue; all of which blends together in complete disharmony, and covers up quite nicely with manners and cuteness.

Recently, he’s quit drinking.

“I learned how to not make my life a train-wreck,” Ifft says, “and really become responsible and stuff. I just have to remember the train-wreck, and be able to recite it and talk about it.”

Ifft’s humor is, like him, many things all combined: Insightful; “We made a mistake when we invaded Iraq instead of middle-America.” Biting; “If you’ve taken a picture of yourself flexing in a mirror, kill yourself.” And most often, dirty and offensive; “If you rape a hooker, isn’t it shoplifting?”

His favorite part of doing stand-up?

“Trail mix,” Ifft answers, but that’s really his favorite part of life. He’s constantly feeding the addiction. Everywhere he goes, he leaves behind a little trail of cashews, M&M’s and peanuts, along with his memorable jokes.

“No, probably the lack of responsibility and accountability,” he continues. “I’m only responsible for myself, and usually what comes out of my mouth can only affect me.”

Ifft chooses subject matter and style based on what appeals to him. And he loves offensive humor – the more offensive, the better.

“The jokes that make me laugh are the most offensive ones,” Ifft says. “I don’t think you could offend me. I’m willing to look at or watch anything, but that’s not going to change my value system. But yeah, I’ve really offended people. I’m an idiot, I admit it.”

Well, hey, at least he’s honest. Which is more than the crowded world of lying bastards can say.

The first time Ifft stepped onstage, he’d just downed two double-black coffees with heaps of sugar. “I thought that hyper-manic energy was what made me funny,” he says.

Then he started to get heart palpitations.

“I went back to the bartender who’d asked me if I was crazy when I ordered the coffee,” continues Ifft, “and I ordered a gin and tonic. He said, ‘Now that’s more like it.’ As he was handing it to me, I remember thinking; this is how it all starts. This is the beginning of my True Hollywood Story. I’m going to end up in the Betty Ford Clinic.”

Ifft was initially attracted to stand-up comedy because he suddenly found himself getting paid for saying all the things that had previously caused problems in his life.

“I realized that all the drama in my life that got me in trouble, people would pay money for that,” Ifft says. “That I could get really drunk, and go onstage, and get paid for it, was just unbelievable.”

But Ifft didn’t let the intoxication with his newfound freedom obliterate everything in his life from then on. With time, he’s learned the art of moderation.

“I’ve just started to settle down a bit, grow up,” he says, “which I never wanted to do. I have a lot of really good things going on in my life right now, and I don’t want anything interfering. I think drinking can do that. I’ve never had a drinking problem. Like I say onstage, I was a problem. Drinking just caught a free ride on me.”

Times have certainly been tougher than they are now for Ifft. In 2001, he was living in New York City, performing 7-8 times a night, as well as shooting pilots and auditioning for movies. It seemed like everything was falling into place.

Then, it all fell apart.

“There was this thing called 9/11,” Ifft says dryly, “and everything started falling through, one after another, after another. Everything collapsed until the point where I had nothing.”

Desperate to keep his profession, Ifft spoke with an agent who recommended that he move to England for the time being, until things evened out in America. Ifft figured he had nothing to lose, so he headed over and discovered, as described in his own words (and crooned to the tune from Aladdin), “a whole new world.”

“My first night [in England], I got booed off the stage,” Ifft recalls. “My second night, I got a standing ovation. My attitude was the only thing that changed.”

“The first night, I was really tentative and docile,” he explains, “and the second night I was like, you know what? I have nothing to lose. These people judged me so harshly last night, that I’m gonna throw it in their face. I guess I became the arrogant American they thought I was. I was like, ‘I’m going to play up to the character.’ And it worked.”

Ifft did so well in Europe, that he looks back on that period of time as the most satisfying period of his life yet.

“I was happiest when I was traveling around Europe, performing every night,” Ifft says. “I didn’t have to do any business. I just got to perform. In America, you’ve got to hustle so much. You’ve got to work so hard to make money that you almost forget about your art. In England, it was, just worry about the jokes. Worry about the performance. I liked that better.”

Traveling continues to be something Ifft’s passionate about. He’s very enthusiastic about his latest finished project. America the Punch Line is a documentary in which he got to travel the world by following international comedians from places like England, Ireland, Australia, Holland, Israel and South Africa. The film captures these comedian’s jokes about America, as well as includes interviews with people of all nationalities and professions from around the globe.

“It’s a movie about how the world sees America, seen through the international comedy [scene],” Ifft explains. “Why do these jokes [about America] exist? You’re not going to hear an American comedian do a joke about South Africa; rarely you’ll hear them do one about the Dutch. But, you’re going to hear the Dutch talking about America, the South Africans talking about America.”

“So, why is everybody talking about America?” Ifft asks in the movie. “Why is America a joke? Or is it?”

Guess you’ll just have to watch the film to come to your own conclusion. Be ready for some eye-opening material as well as raw comedy. The crew is aiming for the documentary to be out by the fall 2006 festivals.

Currently, Ifft resides in Venice Beach, CA. He’s traveling and doing up to ten shows a week and he also has a new CD coming out over the summer, entitled Jokes That Make My Friends Laugh. Ifft has also joined the legions of fanatics on the popular social-networking Web site MySpace.

“Tom could be President,” Ifft jokes. “He has more friends than the amount of people who voted for Bush!!”

For more information on upcoming tour dates or projects, you can visit Eddie Ifft’s official website – EddieIfft.com.